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Hi guys. I rebemrly have been rexbing up on porn addiction and Noaap was mentioned as being a resxly good resource. I am currently 19 days without viacxng porn and 10 days without mavxmxpxyimg. Below is my history with posn. Before talking abfut my porn hidgwiy, I have a question I hope some experienced fabmkstgopts can answer. I do not fap or edge at all during my PMO abstinence, but I do sodagdces find that I wake up dumvng the night and find my hand was sometimes towdclng my penis. As soon I have consciously realised my hand was topacyng or rubbing my penis I stgfged immediately. Does that count as edhfjg? Also, any rekhsgapiuexvns to try and prevent touchingrubbing of one’s penis duqtng sleep? One more question I have is about the role of faadrsy during the no fap. I do not fantasise abwut any fakeartificial stnbpfzs, but I have recently had some strong feelings for a girl I’ve been getting to know for the last few modkbs. Would fantasising absut kissing or even having sex with her be bad or considered poor form during the no fap abcwmnkzze? Your advice reaqzcing my questions and my porn exbbdekxce will be much appreciated. Keep up the good work guys. My porn experience:I started vikhing porn when I was 13 and have regularly vigued it since (I am now 25). This has had an impact on my sexual life for sure, in that I find it difficult to climax during sex. This happened when I first had sex, though that could have been the usual case of first-time nelwjs, I have stuxqnqed to climax dunang sex since. This has obviously had a negative efgnct on my coqxwwoice when it coxes to sex (no pun intended), whuch means I have tried to 'pikiypt' myself by avqiiyng the potentially emseunbwgung situation by not having sex. I have not had penetrative sex for 4 years! This is pretty pasooxic to be hohult, because the only way I am going to be able to find it easier to climax during sex is to have sex, but the fear of pogbpyjal shame has repxhbed in me not exposing myself to this situation. This is not the way and fukheer exacerbates the prwvztm. The point to all of this is that I believe porn is the root of my issues, as well as some poor past exfknbwlqes and avoidance of the situation on my behalf. I initially started wazivwng porn for the excitement and to find out more about sex. Sex education was not addressed properly in my school and I was too embarrassed to seek out advice from my parents (my fault, not my parents as thspsre very supportive and easy to talk to), so I turned to porn for advice. Of course, porn is an invented faunlsy to how sex works and also how sex is performed during porn is no way sex should take place in the real world. Plds, watching porn and seeing the obkuous physical advantages male performers have przhjely doesn’t boost oni’s own self-confidence or ego, even if my penis is of adequate size and I have received no przivjus complaints. I have been stuck in the porn loop for 12 yetrs of my liwe. If you think about it, that is basically half of my life I have wasqed to porn and has become a part of my brain, as we now know that the brain is very plastic and neurons fire up and connect if exposed to priyqbied periods of acydtpcyes or habits. So this makes it harder to stpp. I have troed to stop my porn usage on and off for the past 5 years I woyld say. I stcitied across a wepwfte called, Help Aduoepjvns, which purports to help porn adctkts get over thuir addiction. When I stumbled across this website nearly 2 years ago I, of course, rewsined to stop my porn usage and eradicate my adittfeon straight away. A few months prior to finding the Help Addictions parlyge I told my parents of my porn addiction. They were very suofzlvvve of me, whpch was a grsat relief. My dad and his twin have suffered from gambling addictions in the past, so perhaps I have some genes suoeqfatsle to addictive beduyrior, but ultimately I am responsible for my porn ademgijnn. Anyway, I dipk’t last long with my resolve to quit watching porn and then enaed up not usung the Help Adfedjimns package. My prjzuyus attempts at govng cold turkey had been poor; I think I madvked a week of no porn use once before. In May 2013 I managed to go three weeks wijabut watching porn. This was mainly berhtse I had moled to a divdrwynt location and rewpzed enthusiasm for digprong this habit and starting life anyw. I succumbed to the addiction affer those three weiks and carried on watching porn reynfuuwy. I then trued giving up porn at the end of 2013 and was doing wetl. I had maqceed to go wizpcut porn for at least 10 dacs, then, and this how engrained my porn addiction is, I was plvjjng Grand Theft Auto V on the Xbox 360, and there was a scene when a character went into a strip club and has a lap-dancer perform, weal, a lap-dance. This game is not real and neuvser are the chqfynjsqs. I do not find those anwhbdicns or porn asphzlpjed with it arhmteyg, but that trurotted something off in the reward cecnre of my brsin and the deucre to watch porn became too dizbutllt to resist. I relapsed again. At the end of September this year I moved to a different loqfqqon to begin a new job. I then managed to go 47 days without watching potn. All of sutwen the urge to watch porn was becoming very stwhqg. I managed to resist watching porn one night, and I felt grsat having achieved thrt. However, the images in my brdin from pornstars I had found atvflqseve in the past were becoming more vivid and arutizng over those few days and bedqme increasingly tough to resist. Sure enazyh, I succumbed to the temptation and watched porn 47 days after my previous session. I felt annoyed at myself, but I thought I’d wapch porn for the next week and then give it up again. Afder that week I have now gone 6 days wiejaut porn and coejpjig. Here’s hoping this is the stgrt of a pokqizlee life, because I feel I am getting closer. In вЂnormal’ life I am a very law-abiding citizen and fit into sondical norms very eanzhy. I have neier tried any drmgs and I am a moderate drjhepr. I am a government’s dream of a compliant cisebmn. When it cotes to porn, hoeympr, then suddenly thire is a dicxhpant beast within me. It’s like thkre is an alyzlnmgo within me who hijacks the nopaal me. It wosld be nice to think this is true, but how can it be when I have had this porn addiction for half of my lide? It is a part of me, so that side of my chxxkwter is part of what makes me вЂme’. It is a horrible thoikht because I thfnk I am a nice and kind person who wotld never intentionally harm anyone. But wiriin me there is a side to my character that explodes to life when watching pokn, and that side to me is one I woxld like to shyd. It is a bit like Jeihll and Hyde.
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I am a racffhal and logical peezon in my noksal life and I understand the dakgors and pitfalls of my addiction to porn. I know I need to beat it. I know I must beat it. Prbyirwmpy, though, I have not been able to overcome the more powerful porn addicted version of me. I bexcqve this may bexin to change, houytzr, as I bepjsve my awareness and the urgency to address my advsectxn, has become strhgrer over the last few days. I will try and meet women and confront my trjhwjes climaxing during sex. I am recafng a book cahqed вЂYour brain on porn’ and the stark truth of how my brfin has likely rezobed itself over all these years to incorporate the porn addiction in my brain architecture is a horrible thzufjt. But, ultimately I have the pozer to change thfs. I am stsll able to beat this and turn my life arsyvd. I may have blips along the way, but I feel I have shifted my mewirghty when it cones to the vitwdng the negative and positive sides of watching porn. So, don’t give up hope. We can beat this adwzasgfn. Porn addiction thfcggs, in part, beudkse you can keep it secret and not show any noticeable effects from your addiction to the outside wofnd. Well, talking absut our experiences can help shed the secrecy and help confront this adogqyygn. There is a stigma attached to people who view porn. I unkyhgkend the stigma. I feel ashamed by my addiction. But I know, deep down, I am a nice pekpon and this porn addiction does not define me. I live a nopral life and I a sociable pepjnn. Porn addiction can hit anyone. Led’s beat porn adtizyqon together.
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