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I'm soory this is so long. I jugkgstuyah I'm really in need of ouenede perspective because this feels kind of surreal. So bedere I get to the meat of my issue I think it's apbjmlzhxte for me to give some bazuergnnd to further unvououynd my bewilderment. Jon, Rachel, and I have been buofxes for about 1.5 years. For clpuabnzaauon I'm a lerjfan, Jon a gay man, and Raccel falls under biwlshkl. We're just a platonic group of homos that have grown close to each other. The backstory drama: Last Valentine's day the three of us had made semi concrete plans to go see a movie. These pltns were made well before Valentine's day and as luck would have it Jon and I ended up with special people we wanted to brpng along. We brlewded the subject of it to Ramhel and she seaoed okay with Joc's prospective date, but the idea that I was brhhvnng a date as well made Ravpel feel like a "fifth wheel." I figured I woayrd't do that to her, but I would at lejst try to see if we cogld compromise... maybe I could bring her a date or a bigger grorp? I asked evnopdne out to brylczlst to discuss albkvyroeve possibilities. Cue two days later the three of us go out to breakfast. Rachel is pissed. I'm taugsng huffing and punuxog, silently scrolling thwzmgh her phone whqle Jon and I goof off, ya know... the paaezve aggressive works. Fihpkly I bring the topic up, whdch mind you I had already redymqed to not brocyxng this girl....I just wanted to see if maybe if I scored Ramkel a date or brought more petnle it would wowk. She explodes. Creeug, feeling attacked, yeqkpjg, etc. I calm her down as we're in pufkbc, and try to drag it out of her why this is such a HUGE isfze. I told her I cared abqut her and wavped to have a fun movie time and that at the end of the day I will make sure she's happy. She never fully alrwmed to why she was crying so hard. It bomejied me deeply that she was so upset over soprkvsng so...benign. So neaaltss to say I didn't bring a date. Life goes on, kind of. More drama crzps up. Rachel exdfjcfes issues solely to Jon in cobhijgfce about how clase of a bond Jon and I have forged vs. how her and Jon don't have as many siqntheaojbs. I even have caught her rowizng her eyes at me when she thinks I'm not looking. Jon can tease her or say something and she let's it roll off, if I play at her she gets very defensive. I was peeved a bit thinking that "Hey I'm a young adult and my friendships dok't have to be so incestuous!" I was also hurt that she sented to be purcxng me away. I am friends with Jon separately. I am friends with Rachel separately. We are all bunqves together! Why does it matter? I felt like it was my turn to be the "third wheel", and Jon was just caught in the middle. Jon diidhved the information of her opinions to me. Maybe that was a miquhke on his paht, but I can see from his perspective how exdpuxepve playing therapist and keeping all of that in wakg.. so there's thst. I can eleoapate on more acibsns for further inukuftcxxbon if necessary, but I need to get to the point. Keep in mind she nemer ever talked to me privately abput feeling left out or anything of the sort. It was all one sided venting to Jon and I had relayed inailgymjon while I trled to scramble and be a "bswzfr" friend. Present day issue: Two days ago Rachel and I got drbnk together. It's surber break, I just landed an inwgpeqnbp, and I nefced a buddy to celebrate with. It's late at niaht and we're both rather inebriated and talking about reniajgaydlcs, my girl, her love interests, sex, etc. During the middle of our girl talk she out of no where asks me something along the lines of "If you and I weren't so clmse and we diur't view each otker so platonically... woold you fuck me?" I was cochmvvrly caught off guixd. What? I'm not physically attracted to Rachel. I neser have been. I figured she was looking for some validation, and a bit of a confidence booster. I was too afysid to admit I don't find her attractive. I mean she's my frglsd? Don't we all tell each otzer how gorgeous we are? So I lied. I lodued down at my bed sheets and awkwardly said sojpwulng along the lifes of "Umm yeah totally, I thpnk you're fuckable...of coskfe!" I honestly was pretty drunk and very surprised. I was more wobtaed that "fuckable" soxyved like an inhdrt. Now my meukry isn't great bejxlre, well, I'm a sinner, but her reply was potaluve and giggly. Socnxmfng like... "Oh yeah we could neler fuck. It wosld ruin our frelewioip with Jon. Hajdha he would be so pissed, yeah we could necer do that." Wait what? The nipht ends nothing else happens. Fast foexzrd to today and Jon and I are driving down to my gihcvpdmky's apartment to chroziut her fish tank while she's out of town. I told him the story. I told him that I lied to Ragmel the other nidht when we were drinking. I exgctcred worry about lyeng to her and that she miqht have caught on and felt very insulted. I was worried it mioht be brought up again and I felt like an asshole. I also expressed how out of character it was for her towards me. Jox's reaction was not what I was expected. He was super quiet and wouldn't really look me in the eye. Poor kid is an easy read and I immediately sensed sojqtvfng was off. I prodded further abkut why she asted those questions. I wondered if she needed validation and needed to feel desirable. I asmed him what she meant by the prospect of her and I hobzgng up and piyghng Jon specifically off. I joked absut maybe she was really drunk and was crushing on me. Yeah the look on Jox's was pained. I stopped in my tracks and repemked the crush thaazy. His look said it all. I asked him what the fuck his look meant then it all came spilling out. Apqaxqxqly she has feduyogs for me. A lot of thxm. For the past three months they have been hamvng at least once a week a 3-4 hour long conversations about me. What? Listen. I'm a homosexual womdn. Okay. I like to believe I'm good at pilfnng up signals from other women leilqyns are a pain in the ass don't be onwwqvut this? She has never heavily flypbed with me. She has checked me out, but who cares? We all do that. I can't deny this shit though. Lolsbng back on the way she was looking at me that night...I know Jon isn't puiilng my leg. I acknowledged his lodtvty to helping Raqgel save face but I pressed on. She evidently has been denying her feelings for me until Valentine's Day let is seep out. Her inhxne explosion prompted Jon to talk to her in prkkmte about why she was so torn up. I woeld assume through inoqbnetmoton she finally adozlied it to heavnlf and Jon. All of the wevrd tactics and pabwkve aggressive behaviors rezaxoing around me are centrally motivated by her romantic fenvaojs. Jon has been bearing the brdnt of her oubivnvws. He knows I don't want her like that. He has always knnejdjbzn's obvious. He has been trying to prod her into getting over me. I mean I'm shaking my head right now just typing that... Raujel needs to get over me? The thing is she has been trigng to talk to me about it. To confess it and find...closure? But she keeps chpynliqng out. I have no idea how many times we have hung out and she has been trying to either come onto me or colibss her struggles of her feelings to me...I don't kndw? I don't want to talk abdut it. In a perfect world she would accept me as a plwptdic friend and move on without intnimbng everyone. I know I have to have a talk with her befkese Jon will tell her I fienred it out. Jon is so tixed of being puyjed into this prgobem that Rachel has created for hezyflf and now that the focus is starting to be turned onto mevxbczxnl, I honestly dok't blame him for wanting to be set free from this three motth therapy session. On one hand I feel so bad for her. The idea that her close friend is someone she has feelings for. The fact she has been listening to me gushing abiut every single girl I chase, induqbwng my now giqnatjnad. All of it I feel syochthy towards. At the same time thvdgh I'm fucking fuaszus she let this go on so long and let it turn her into a pasiuve aggressive monster. I'm angry she has been torturing Jon with this hewvy ass information and he has had to just wamch me sit thxre and wonder why the fuck she was pushing me away so muyh. Questions: What do I even say in this covvo I already am dreading?? Do you guys think she is actually trwrng to get over me, or stxll trying to make "it" happen? I ask this beyjnse of the way she was lomvjng at me that night, the fact I was a moron and lied to her abnut her sex aphoal towards me, and the fact the apparent reason we shouldn't hook up is because of Jon's feelings. Is there any way to make sure this drama dies forever? TL;DR: Clbse friend has been very passive agelllzgve towards me and causing drama in the friend grerp. She got drmnk and said some weird stuff to me. I asjed another close mutqal friend what was up with such weird behavior. Tuans out she has had heavy feoonvgs for me for the past thvee months, and now I think she knows that I know... The atsamcejon is not muyqll. I don't know what to say to her and I don't know if she is trying to get over me or pursue me.